Maybe I don't want to run an empire...

Maybe I don't want to run an empire. This interesting phrase came out when I was journaling the other day.

I've been telling some friends about it, and it's really been resonating and bringing out different things in people.

I'm honestly shocked that it's something I wrote down, so it's a conversation I wanted to bring to you because maybe it'll help you tune in to yourself better too.

Here goes another one of my journal rants:

The other day I was feeling a lot of pressure and so I wrote down:

“I don't want to have the pressure of answering to people right now”

I feel so much anxiety because I'm constantly living in the future.

And I feel like everyone needs something from me:

• The kids need all of me every second of the day. (Jack is 4.5 and Sophia is 3- And I love being their mom!)

• But then my emails and messages call out to me with to do's and things they need from me.

• and I feel like I need to market the business. (That's a whole other conversation we'll have.)

• I “need” to make sure I'm connecting

• and making sales

• and doing the business admin stuff.

And it feels like too much for me.

I'm just craving less.

I want to wake up and feel space.

I probably wrote this about a week ago. And I've really tried to keep remembering: slow- I have enough time.

How do I keep feeling into what feels good- trying to put less pressure on myself?

I want to feel calm. I want to feel invested with the kids. And I want to feel good about the business.

But I feel like it can feel like a lot.

And then I notice that I'm worrying or the day starts and I'm already feeling frustrated- like I need to move and be productive.

I just want to wake up without a 10 mile long list of things to do looming over my head.

What are all the things I want to be able to do?

• I want to meditate.

• I want to do my yoga.

• I want to walk.

• I want to read Substack.

• I want to take a shower.

• I want to eat a good, healthy breakfast in a clean house (and honestly I'm reading this back right now not remembering I wrote the clean house part which is clearly important to me because I was SO overwhelmed by the house on Friday that the HSP in me couldn’t play with the kids until it was taken care of. Which led to the kids craving time together and ended in everyone weeping in their rooms disappointed in how we were showing up for each other…. #momlife)

• I want to join the kids in something they want to do.

• I want to go on an adventure where I feel they're learning and I'm engaged too.

• And I want to know that I'm helping others with my zone of genius.

And the biggest thing for me that I noticed in this list, it ended up being two columns:

It was mostly about having a free morning and space.

What do I love to do?

• I love how our client work doesn't require us to be anywhere at a certain time. It's just get our podcast production done by a certain day.

• And I love with Substack that I can just be me and others can passively join in.

• And I can join in with others when I want to, too, when I'm ready to engage.

What if the things I love brought me in more of what I want?

Before, when I was looking at it all, it felt like I need to push, push, push through the crap I don't want to do to get to what I do want. i.e. “When we have the clients, then I don’t have to market. When this is done then that.”

But what if it didn't have to be that way? What if our roster got filled, not by any of the shoulds, but by stopping all of the shoulds and just doing what we want?

And to take that a step further, what would swapping the shoulds for what I love look like?

• Well, I'd focus on Substack and curating these conversations that I want to have.

• I'd edit episodes and I'd pass off the rest to the rest of our team.

• And that means I'd be letting go of certain things, like, following up with people who haven't converted

• Dropping Instagram marketing

• Letting go of trying to host in-person events right now that feel like shoulds,

• Passing off some business admin stuff to Collin.

And then that's when I wrote down…..

Maybe I don't want to run an empire

I recently met this amazing woman. Her name is Kendall Cherry. (She’ll be on Tuning In soon.) We were continuing a conversation that she actually had with my friend Allison Hardy on her podcast- 6 Figure Secrets called: Running an Online Business Offline.

I was all HECK YES! about everything she said on the podcast because we're so in alignment. And when I mentioned this “maybe I don’t want to run an empire” concept to her, she was like: YES! I don't want an empire either. Making $250,000 a year, gives me a lean business and I don’t have to deal with certain headaches.

I've been replaying her reaction to my journal prompt over and over again because it made me think:

Maybe my working definition of success and the empire I thought I wanted (making millions and being that girl boss) doesn’t match the reality I want? Maybe my version of an empire is $250,000.

Enough that we can do all the things that we want to do and have money to spend when the kids want a toy and we want to go out to dinner and not have to worry about it.

But maybe it doesn't have to be so big. And maybe the pressure and having to do all the shoulds and all of this stuff for me is more pressure than I need to be putting on myself to match the reality that I actually want.

And it's interesting, because when I've brought this up to my friends, they've started to recognize: What is my version of my empire?

It's had different reactions. It’s had some people thinking about their business. It's had some people thinking about family life. It's had some people thinking about, yeah, I do want the typical definition of an empire (which is totally cool too!)

Are we tuning into what we want?

I think it comes back to that conversation of: are we tuning into what we want? Not anything outside of us, not matching what somebody else is doing, not focusing on the Joneses if you will. Instead it’s: what do I want in this situation?

Redefining what an empire means to me

And so, what I've already started to do to create my new version, my new definition of an empire, is:

• Today I actually took Instagram off my phone. I deleted the app.

• Yesterday I posted actually an 18 grid (which is funny because in the last post I did I thought that that was going to be too much, but I'm really happy with how it turned out.)

• And I'm reorienting what being on social looks like.

• I'm reorienting what I do with my time when I have a little bit of time. So instead of checking reels (which is great for a laugh- but I had a conversation with Ellen Estes on Substack today and we were talking about how we don't retain anything of substance when we're scrolling on reels. But I do when I'm reading Substack and I like feel really good about it. So again, I'm going with what feels good to me) I’ll be swapping my scrolling time for Substack reading and connection time.

• And in my business, before I was feeling overwhelmed by: “I've got to show up. I've got tomarket the business. I've got to try to get new people in.” And now I'm focused more on that discoverability piece. That feminine business piece. Answering: how do I do what feels good to me and allows me to get discovered by my ideal people.

• Something I really really want to work on this week is the mom side of things: I want to connect with my kids. I don't want to feel so stressed that I'm not giving them what they need and they're having meltdowns because of it.

It's like I'm half in two worlds. Mom and business.

So Mom wise, I'm really going to focus on Collin and I working together as a team to get some of that cleaning stuff done so I don't have to do it with the kids. Or a sleep consultant we had used always talked about: attention prevention.

So what if I swapped the way I'm doing things, and I sat down with them, and I played with them, and I gave them some attention so then, their cup is full. Then I can go clean the house or do whatever, which also allows me to have a little time to myself too.

Right now, I’m just reorienting myself to:

If I didn't have to make all my decisions and steps with this added pressure of…. and it has to stair step me to a way to make a gajillion dollars, but instead I just focused on what would it look like if we literally only aspired to have five clients?

I just say it and I just feel so much pressure lift off of me. It's not that I only aspire to five clients this year, but like what if that's it, that’s good for me? Five clients.

Collin can come into the business full time. We can live our lives. We can have extra spending money, and we could just BE for a bit.

We can live slow. We market our business slowly.

I wonder what that would feel like?

And that's really what I'm gonna be focusing on right now is mapping out:

• What does my new empire look like?

• What feels really good,

• and How can I start living that right now?

So, maybe this prompt can help you too. Maybe it can help you uncover your empire.

I would love to hear about it in the comments- what’s your version of an empire? What answers came up for you?

Maybe a perspective shift or a new way to tune into you? I'd love to hear it below.

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P.S. If you’re reading this via email I encourage you download the Substack app as it’s a lot more user friendly and gives you an opportunity to be a part of these chats. It’s free and I’d love to have you contribute!